Aug 14 Check-In: Transcript
Read along as we solve The Mystery of Doug's Missing Dress Pants!
Doug French (00:03):
Wow. Okay. So rebooting your computer is a sad experience?
Magda Pecsenye (00:08):
I just finished a really sad book.
Doug (00:10):
Really?
Magda (00:11):
Yeah. I mean I had, I don't know, like 20 pages left or something. So while my computer was rebooting, I was reading it and oh my God. And now I'm crying. <Laugh>
Doug (00:25):
And happy Monday to you, everybody!
Magda (00:28):
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I've been crying very easily lately.
Doug (00:38):
Oh God. Yeah. We all have, yeah.
Magda (00:39):
In the never-ending Days Of Our Lives catch-up. There was a scene where the detective, this was an episode from May, the detective had to arrest her own sister. Her little sister. And I started crying.
Doug (00:57):
Then their work is done, I guess.
Magda (00:59):
I've not cried at Days Of Our Lives since they killed off EJ DiMera the first time back in like 2018, maybe.
Doug (01:10):
Well, we've talked about this. You're in a very fragile state right now.
Magda (01:13):
Oh my God. I'm in such a fragile state right now.
Doug (01:17):
Yeah, exactly. Having to move away from me must be really traumatic for you.
Magda (01:34):
So, I mean, part of it is moving, right? Like when I bought this house, I assumed I was going to just retire and die in this house. I mean, I didn't really. I had always figured that if one of our kids had children, I would move to wherever they were to help them as much as I could with their kids.
Doug (01:59):
But yes, you were telling everybody that you were ready to retire and die <laugh> in that house <laugh>, right? Because you told me, right? You said like your neighbors were asking, “Are you flipping this house?”
Magda (02:09):
Yeah I was like, no, I'm going to retire.
Doug (02:11):
And you said, “No, I'm going to die in this house! And you might be the one who finds me. So let's, you know, stay sharp.”
Magda (02:17):
<Laugh>. I think if I had known that I was going to be moving out of this house, I would have been more proactive about all the weeds on my tree lawn.
Doug (02:32):
But, well that's metaphorical as well though. I think there's weeds. And there's emotional weeds and there's ownership weeds. You have so much stuff in your home that you never thought you'd have to dig into the depths of to analyze and sort through and chuck and that's just so not your strength.
Magda (02:50):
Well, yeah. 'Cause there's a whole lot. I mean, I come from a long line of people who are not good at dealing with physical objects, you know? And I have a lot of their stuff that they didn't deal with that I just ran out of stamina to deal with. Like, you know, I mean I get these great ideas. It's the whole ADHD thing. I'm like, “woo-hoo, I'm going to sort through these 5,000 boxes of crap in two days. It's going to all be great.” And I hit box three and then I'm just like, “this is a soul-level fatigue that I cannot surmount.” So then, well, those 4,997 boxes end up going along to the next place.
Doug (03:38):
But this is why this gets to be a long-term move. You can just slowly come back every month or so when you've stored up some stamina to go ahead and attack one room or one corner of a room and clear out one level and find the floor again. And then you'll slump onto your chaise longue and call it a day and come back in a month.
Magda (04:01):
I mean the other thing is, at the same time, I'm trying to acquire a very precise set of items that need to be there for decor at my wedding. It's just, it's too many things.
Doug (04:18):
<Laugh>. Well, I get it. And that's why I'm being very lenient on you when you come to my house and offload stuff as a waystation. You know, you come to the place where it is the most difficult place in explored space to get rid of things, 'cause you can't throw anything away.
Magda (04:35):
Oh, you mean the town of Ann Arbor?
Doug (04:38):
Yes. And you will bring a few things to me and I get it. My father did the same thing. He gave me his golf clubs. He'll never play golf again. He acknowledges that and he gave 'em to me. And now I have two. And I have barbecue tongs and you came and brought me some barbecue tongs, and now I have two.
And I was thinking about that too because I'm thinking of the things. I have doubles of. You know, golf clubs and barbecue tongs. So that's welcome to me. You know, Midwestern Dad, 'cause we talked about this, right? Robert sent me that thing saying that the word Doug essentially means “Midwestern father.”
Magda (05:59):
Oh, that's funny.
Doug (06:00):
Which is weird. 'cause when my parents named me that I was neither of those two things. And I'm <laugh>. I'm wondering, all right, well I guess there's nature and there's nurture. Was I fated to become a Midwestern father because they named me Doug?
Magda (06:17):
I think you were.
Doug (06:19):
Maybe. I don't know. I'll never forget, by the way, you know how you told me when we met that I was “a family man without the family.” And I'll never forget that.
Magda (06:27):
That's true. It's true. I have a confession. I have been sneaking items into your house, very specifically books onto your bookshelf since I started cleaning out my uncle’s house in 2016.
Doug (05:11):
You think I haven't seen that? Of course I've noticed that.
Magda (05:18):
<Laugh>. So you noticed that you have doubles? I tried to only bring the books over that you already had a copy of. So I would just put them on the opposite bookshelf so you wouldn't put it together. It's probably only about a dozen books.
Doug (05:32):
<Laugh>. Look, it's a great plan 'cause I have too many books, but yes, of course. You've been smuggling books into my house for years. <laugh> And I've actually, I had this great idea 'cause I've decided that, you know how fathers put on sympathy weight for when their wives are pregnant? I'm staging a sympathy move as you know, like half my living room now is, looks as though I'm moving out tomorrow 'cause I'm getting the the rug cleaners in. And that's going to give me such great joy. You know, ever since I powerwashed my patio.
Magda (06:57):
You were very into the powerwashing.
Doug (07:00):
Oh my God, yes. And those carpet cleaning videos on Instagram, <laugh>, that is a rabbit hole right there. <Laugh>. All these things come in fire-damaged, unrecognizable, and they leave ready for the showroom. I gotta get me a pair of those big boots. <Laugh>.
Magda (07:17):
See that's how I feel about Dr. Pimple Popper. The kids are like, “oh God, Mom, how can you watch that?”
Doug (07:23):
I'm on their side for that.
Magda (07:24):
To me, there’s a problem, right? There's a problem, and Dr. Sandra Lee fixes the problem.
Doug (07:31):
It's not the same thing. There’s dirt, and there's pus. Pus is different. Biological. That's a bigger deal.
Magda (07:40):
Let it be known that I did not say the P-word <laugh>. You said the P-word. I merely said I watched Dr. Pimple Popper videos.
Doug (07:47):
You implied it. Absolutely. So I'm having a sympathy move and I'm going through and looking at all these duplicate books that you smuggled into my house and thinking, Aw. 'cause I'm, I have boxes now. Sorting into the “try to sell,” “donate to the library.” You know, there are plenty of places for books and of course, you know, the next stages get rid of books.
Magda (08:09):
Though it's hard to get rid of books.
Doug (08:12):
Oh it absolutely is not. I've gotta say once I've read 'em, maybe I have favorites that I will never get rid of. I just like the decor. I mean that's my problem. I just like having books on the wall that make me feel smart. But the great thing about this town, at least, you can't throw anything away in Ann Arbor, but there are so many “Give a book. Take a book” libraries.
Magda (08:31):
Mm-Hmm <affirmative>.
Doug (08:32):
I'm just going to fill up the back of the car with a bunch of books I don't want anymore. And I'm just going to go around and just shove them in all these little libraries all over town, there's gotta be a hundred.
Magda (08:41):
Okay, well then now I know what to do with all of the books that I don't want that are here.
Doug (08:46):
This is why I'm surprised you didn't catch onto that because I've been sticking books into those things for years.
Magda (08:51):
In Detroit we don't have those “Give a book. Take a book” libraries here.
Doug (08:55):
You should build one and start a trend.
Magda (09:00):
That would be a lot of maintenance.
Doug (09:02):
<Laugh>. I thought you were going to say that would be a lot of work. <Laugh>.
Magda (09:05):
Well, I mean it would be a lot of work. Like my tree lawn is a thistle farm now. Oh yeah. It's awful. It's awful.
Doug (09:15):
So well, but you would get the idea to build a library and then get the lumber and it would sit in a pile on your lawn.
Magda (09:20):
Yeah, absolutely. Okay, we need to finish this up quickly, but I'm going to tell you a story about a thing that I tried to get rid of and then thought was a problem.
Doug (09:31):
Oh my God. Well the way you're selling this already, I'm on tenterhooks.
Magda (09:36):
Okay. So this was when our older son, Robert, was at the Jesuit Boys School and they had to wear a uniform, which was dress pants of some sort, a buttoned down shirt of some sort, a necktie of some sort. It could be a regular necktie or a bow tie.
Doug (09:52):
And why are you adding “of some sort“ to everything? That seems unnecessary.
Magda (09:55):
Well I mean it wasn't a strict uniform of like, you know, black pants and white shirt. Right. They had some leeway for choice, but it had to be dress pants.
Doug (10:05):
But the repetition seemed more in line for oratory than for actual prose.
Magda (10:10):
Okay, well that's me. This is an extemporaneous speech. So Robert had borrowed a pair of your pants to wear to school. And this was the same time when I was living in my Uncle Tim's house after he died, trying to clean out all of his stuff. And he had worked in an office, he had worked from home, all kinds of stuff. So he had just tons and tons of clothes. Some of them were very formal business, some of them were business casual, all this kind of stuff.
And so the Catholic school had this clothes closet where you could donate the clothes that your boys had grown out of and then the other parents could come in and buy them for a dollar for a pair of pants or a dollar for a shirt or something like that. It was just like a clothing rack that was stuck in the closet for the Mother's Club. And they would pull it out every month for the Mother's Club meeting. So I just brought a whole load of clothes from Uncle Tim that I thought would be appropriate that kids might want to wear to school in all these different sizes, and donated them. And then the next day Robert could not find your pants to wear to school anymore. And we looked and looked and looked and looked and looked for your pants.
Doug (11:25):
I remember this.
Magda (11:25):
We could not tell you where the pants were, and you were asking Robert where the pants were 'cause you wanted to wear them again. And so you were asking Robert for the pants back and I was like, “oh, shit, I have donated Doug's pants to the clothes closet.” And I was not going to be able to get into the clothes closet for another month. And I was going to have to be there early for the Mother's Club meeting so I could get to the clothes closet before anyone else did, and find your pants and buy them back for a dollar.
Doug (12:00):
God, your life is a sitcom.
Magda (12:02):
It really is. This was like, you know, we've had all these Seinfeldian episodes in our life together. Especially, remember when you got us banned from the Vietnamese delivery place?
Doug (12:13):
Yes.
Magda (12:14):
Yes. And then I still would go in there during the day because the guy had never seen my face and didn't know my voice. So I could go in there in person, but I couldn't order from our apartment. And I didn't want to tell you, I don't know if I ever told you this before, but I used to go in there for lunch all the time. 'cause I could,
Doug (12:33):
Of course.
Magda (12:35):
And I didn't tell you.
Doug (12:36):
What you need to do is write the book of things you never told me. And I can go through and decide how many of those things I figured out on my own.
Magda (12:46):
Right!
Doug (12:47):
Now the Vietnamese thing, that wasn't a high priority. So yeah, if that happened, okay, but I am totally not surprised. I knew as soon as the kids were the same size as I am, that the chaos would start because they would bring things over to your home and that's the last they were ever seen. And I kind of knew to build that into my experience as a person.
Possessions are fleeting, and your sons are going to borrow stuff. Bring 'em to your ex-wife's house where they will be found by archeologists.
Magda (13:20):
Well, so I was working two angles. One angle on this was, “is it possible–”
Doug (13:25):
Just two? That's why you're slipping.
Magda (13:27):
<Laugh>? “Is it possible for me to get into the Mother's Club closet at some point to just find the pants and get them out?” I would still have left the dollar.
Doug (13:39):
Right. Could you have recognized them if you saw them in the rack? Oh, did you know what you're looking for?
Magda (13:44):
Very dubious.
Doug (13:44):
Yeah. I don't think you would've known what you were looking for once you got there. And that's the best part. That's how the sitcom goes. Well yeah, exactly. Because you do all these things to get in the position to get my pants back and then you don't know what you're looking for.
Magda (13:56):
Well, I do remember that I was trying to find out from you what size the pants were without saying to you.
Doug (14:03):
“So if you were like a size 34 waist, would that be something that fits you?”
Magda (14:08):
Right. “Were they khaki, were they more of a beige? What color?” Right.
Doug (14:13):
“Do you like khaki as a style? I mean, is that what men wear?”
Magda (14:16):
That's the equivalent of sneaking into the person's apartment to reset their answering machines so they wouldn't hear the message that you left. Right. So that was the one angle.
Doug (14:25):
“Tippytoe!” Yep.
Magda (14:26):
Exactly. Then the other angle was I was going to volunteer to set up at that Mother's Club meeting, but keep an eagle eye out for all of those clothes to come out and then leave my post and go <laugh> ruffle through all the pants to find the imagined pair of pants. So as I was working on these–
Doug (14:48):
And hope that my name was in them, like I'd been to camp or something. All right.
Magda (14:51):
As I was working on these two plans, the pants turned up. They were wadded into a ball and shoved under the seat of my car.
Doug (15:02):
Another place where things go to die. <Laugh>.
Magda (15:05):
That was the denouement.
Doug (15:07):
Thank you for sharing that story. I think that's a real interesting window into our relationship. I'm aware of how most of my things disappear and so it's ironic now that you're trying to make good in the world, you're trying to balance the ledger and bring me a bunch of stuff, <laugh> to counter all the stuff that's made its way out of my house over the years.
Magda (15:25):
I almost brought you a pair of pants from my uncle yesterday. <Laugh>
Doug (15:32):
Wow. Yeah. Can you imagine me walking around with Tim's pants on? That would be something else. <Laugh>. I don't know how to end these things …
Magda (15:43):
I just think we're done, right? Like, we don't have to have any fancy sign off. This is just the Monday check-in. We told you some stories, right? That's it.
Doug (15:51):
So do you feel better?
Magda (15:52):
Yeah, I do feel better. It was still a sad book.
Doug (15:54):
Have you processed the tragedy of your book?
Magda (15:56):
Yeah, I think so.
Doug (15:58):
All right. All right. See you Wednesday.
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