When the Flames Go Up
When the Flames Go Up
Episode 33: "We don‘t arrive at 50 on Plan A."
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Episode 33: "We don‘t arrive at 50 on Plan A."

Many midlifers face divorce and custody battles, grieve one parent while caring for the other, or maintain a business. Jessica Ashley manages all three at once, (mostly) without losing her mind.
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A lot of people our age are grieving the abrupt death of one parent and taking on sole caregiving responsibility for the other. Some have endured a bitter custody battle (or two) after a breakup and built a business around their experiences. Some have had children later in life and know the fatigue of chasing after a grade-schooler.

Jessica Ashley came on our podcast to talk about what it’s like to do all that at once.

It’s easy to get angry over relationships that go sour, or misogyny in the family court system, or how “kin keeping” so often defaults to the daughters. But Jessica has learned to filter those thoughts through her Master’s degree in women’s studies, use it when she needs it, and offload it when the needle is in the red. Above all, she feels like a more centered parent, who wants to show her 9-year-old daughter that ”always knowing you can choose yourself feels good and healthy.”

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We also talk about how not to blame yourself when a relationship you really believed in goes awry, how a psychic helped balance her emotional ledger, and why we should all be lucky enough to end up like the Golden Girls.

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Edited Transcript

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When the Flames Go Up
When the Flames Go Up
After we divorced, we started a blog about co-parenting to learn how to work together until our kids were grown. And now that they are, and the world is so busy disrupting and disavowing what we thought we were working for, we're looking to our community to help us all keep up.