Friday Flames | 11.3.23

A weekly synopsis of what we figured out about rogue pickles, old-school gumshoes, and burning down the house.

From Magda: Location, location, dislocation

I've been living at Mike's for two full months, and the best way to describe the feeling is "dislocated." The first few weeks here felt like a vacation, especially while I was preparing to marry the love of my life in Minnesota. But now I'm living here for real, and it feels like I’ve been dropped into someone else's life. I have friends here, but they're different from the ones in Detroit. My routine is different. I eat different things and cook for two or three instead of just for myself. People keep asking me how it feels to be married, and all I want to say is, "ASK ME ABOUT HOW EVERYTHING'S DIFFERENT AT MY NEW ALDI" instead.

(It feels great being married. Mike is adorable, and we make each other laugh all the time. My new Aldi is better than no Aldi at all, but it doesn't have some of the stuff I took for granted at my home Aldi. People are all business all the time here, which seems antithetical to the entire Aldi concept. But suburban Massachusetts. Whaddayagonnado?)

I was feeling so weirded out by being Masshole Bizarro Magda that I fled last weekend to the loving embrace of Bryn Mawr College, my alma mater, and spent a delightful (although weirdly hot) 24 hours with a bunch of other alums reminiscing about lanterns, eating a shocking amount of sugar, and talking about self-governance and self-determination. I also got to see my friend get an award for lifetime service to the college, talk to another friend about her impending divorce (yay!), and continue to feel smug about our superior dining halls.

It was almost enough to fortify me for the brutal, 6½-hour drive home. In the middle of all the stop-and-go traffic, I realized the main reason I enjoyed living in NYC for 15 years was because I'd never once had to drive around it. Plus:

• I'd gotten a hoagie from Wawa for the ride home and suffered an unfortunate pickle disaster three minutes into the trip,

• I was confused by the signs pointing to the “Governor Mario M. Cuomo Bridge” (which is beautiful), and

• I had to drive the curvy Hutchinson Parkway in the dark with my perimenopausal eyes. 

But I made it back, and Mike was happy to see me, and we woke up the next morning and went for a walk like usual, and he'd gotten cream for my coffee and the cheese I like. I guess if I'm in the middle of someone else's life, at least it's a soft and sweet one.

A holiday for all of us

Welcome to another season of Candletime, a secular holiday Magda started in 2009 to give everyone something cozy and keep Christmas commerce from pushing back into October. To observe, light candles in the evening and sit and appreciate them with your favorite beverage. Join our Facebook community and follow on Instagram!

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This week on the podcast

BlogHer co-founder

Elisa Camahort Page

has spent her 50s learning a lot about health, retirement planning, and eldercare—and debunking all their related myths.

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Anagram of the week

ELISA CAMAHORT PAGE anagrams to A SHEEP GOT CALAMARI.

Currently reading

Magda is reading a lot of Thanksgiving recipes as she prepares to take over hosting duties from her husband's aunt, who passed away 18 months ago. She’s trying to balance all of his family’s culinary traditions with new things—like Ina Garten's mushroom and leek bread pudding—so the menu isn't too hackneyed. If anyone has any suggestions for an old-fashioned regional pie we could try, in addition to the usual pumpkin, sweet potato, apple, and cranberry pecan, please pass it on!

Doug is reading An Honest Living, a noir detective novel centered around a lapsed NYC corporate lawyer, by Dwyer Murphy, a lapsed NYC corporate lawyer. It’s quick read with a thin, Chinatown-inspired storyline, but Murphy’s talent for capturing the retro vibe keeps it moving along well enough to stay clear of the DNF pile.

Currently watching

Doug took our son to see Stop Making Sense, the Talking Heads concert movie re-released on its 40th anniversary (!) by A24. Go see it in a theater with a sound system worth a damn and lots of space for dancing. Then read this origin story, crank the remixed soundtrack album, and think about destroying the safe things that entrap you.

Magda and Mike are watching the new, 14th season (!) of the Great British Baking Show, which feels as sweet and silly and simple as its first few seasons were (although it will never be as kind as it was, because Prue is a mean person). Allison Hammond is just lovely, funny and goofy and kind, and she makes Noel really loopy and sweet, instead of jaded and snarly like he was with Matt. The challenges have been pulled back so much that they’re a delight to watch, and a crushing defeat feels sad again.

Currently cooking

Get this: Magda made tofu that was so good, Mike gobbled it all down, with no leftovers! She drained, dried, and cubed some firm tofu, tossed it with oil and S&P, then in chickpea flour with salt in it. She then fried it in a little oil until it was brown and crunchy, and tossed that into a sauce made with gochujang, soy sauce, brown sugar, rice wine vinegar, garlic, and sesame oil (mixed and simmered first until the sugar thickened it all a little). They both couldn't stop eating it.

One of Doug’s enduring childhood memories is icebox zebra cake, which is harder to make now that the godless corporate drudges at Mondelēz International have discontinued Famous Chocolate Wafers after 99 years. But this biscoff tiramisu recipe—zazzed up with a little extra ground espresso—helps soothe the pain.

Next on the podcast

In Episode 23: Michelle Fishburne details her later-in-life transition from international lawyer to homeschooling mom to author and Happy Nomad.

And don’t forget! Daylight Saving Time ends this weekend, so be sure to set your clocks back 2,000 years.

Thanks for reading, and where does that highway go to?

Magda and Doug