Friday Flames: What do we belong to?

We definitely didn't see this coming.

Did you ever think you’d spend any Fourth of July feeling like this? Wondering what the fireworks are for when elected lawmakers are openly celebrating more hunger and illness for poor people and a 12-figure ICE budget? Some people are so desperate to belong to something (and/or so eager to prey on them) that they’ll abandon essential human empathy just to wear one of those matching hats.

We’ve each grown up with a specific idea of what it means to be American. Magda’s grandfather fought Nazis face-to-face during World War II, and Doug’s oldest American ancestor came ashore in 1635. And despite all the glaring lapses of wisdom and character in American history, belonging to that specific group of Earthlings that carry an American passport has always informed our sense of identity. But this feels different.

Belonging to something is important. Magda is a pathological groupmaker, especially online. If she can’t find a group about a certain topic—such as parenting, college search, books, gardening, knitting, watching the Oscars, perimenopause, eating, kakothēres, Christmas, bullet journaling, New Year’s Day rituals, divorce support, career support, or “Elizabeths and Warrens for Elizabeth Warren”—she’ll create one. And they fill up quickly, because Finding Your People is a great feeling.

We’ve also both identified strongly with our alumni/ae groups, but that’s changing, too. Doug agonized over his decision to attend UVa, and realizing it was the right one played a big part in his development as a young adult. But to see Jim Ryan bullied out of the president’s office while an acquiescent board sat on its wealthy thumbs makes him wonder what all that UVa merch he wears will stand for.

Belonging is a big deal, especially when isolation and loneliness are surging and sending more people (especially angry, rudderless dudes) into the arms of Cult 45. We take our belonging seriously, even if it’s just to a small, blended family of “Weird Al” fans who saw him perform at Pine Knob this week. It’s a great membership to have, even if we couldn’t have dreamed it up when we met back in the 1900s.

Currently reading

Magda is reading That Summer by Jennifer Weiner for a book club and is finding it a very classic summer novel so far, complete with flashbacks and middle-aged mom problems.

Desperate for historical perspective, Doug is reading Greater Gotham, about New York City’s tortuous decades between its consolidation in 1898 and the end of World War I. Humanity might be destined to fight itself forever, but at least NYC no longer has to cope with 2.5 million pounds of horse manure every day. This feels like progress.

Currently watching

Doug is watching Andor, the prequel series to Rogue One, which challenges the cartoonish moral clarity of the Star Wars movies. When you consider that George Lucas intended the original and prequel trilogies as allegories against authoritarianism, re-engaging with the story in this moment hits a lot different.

Other than the Weird Al concert, Magda isn’t watching much. She caught a few episodes of the late 80s reboot of Columbo, including “Sex and the Married Detective,” when a sex therapist murders her lover when she catches him cheating with her assistant. The reboots are nowhere near as good as the 1971 originals.

Currently cooking

Magda has been living on a salad of grilled chicken, chopped cabbage, red and yellow bell peppers, cucumber, ranch dressing, and pumpkin seeds. Easy and cool and filling.

Doug is all about salads, too. This lentil salad (with spinach substituted for the kale) is the shit. He’s also experimenting with cold sesame noodle recipes and building on this banana ketchup recipe in search of the perfect condiment.

Thanks for reading, and we do vector calculus just for fun.

Magda and Doug