Episode 49: Can boys express emotion in a culture that doesn't want to hear it?

This week’s episode was inspired by the latest in a large library of think pieces about the emotional isolation of boys, who want more emotional intimacy but “have neither the skills nor the social permission to change the story.” No one really knows what masculinity is or should be, but there’s a whole spectrum of weird and conflicting advice out there trying to plead its case.

Now that our young adult sons are starting to define their ideas of masculinity on their own, we wonder how they’ve developed emotionally—especially amid cultural sensibilities a lot different from when they were born. Gender dynamics may be a little less toxic and patriarchical, but there’s still plenty of both to go around.

It isn’t like we have a lot of answers here. The best we can do is rely on our experiences with our sons and their friends, and distinguish them from the media machine that tends to fetishize problems. As always, the best defense is shared experience.

We also talk about mastering the Detroit public transit system, John Candy’s dramatic chops, and what if reality shows had more sabotage? Seriously, look at all those links below. We got all over the place:

• Steve! (martin): a documentary in two pieces on AppleTV+

• Read the end of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (see p. 120)

• About the Universal Design for Learning

• Boys & Sex, by Peggy Orenstein

• Questlove needs to feel safe about making other people feel safe

• Just Walk on By: Black Men in Public Space, by Brent Staples

• 93% of the world’s largest incarcerated population is men and boys

• The Trouble with Boys, by Peg Tyre

• Masterminds and Wingmen, by Rosalind Wiseman

• The Pirates! Band of Misfits and Vengeance Most Fowl

• Clemson pitcher Drew Titsworth

• Not linking to anything about Andrew Tate because to hell with that guy.