When the Flames Go Up
When the Flames Go Up
Caring for parents in Tokyo means bridging a huge cultural gulf.
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Caring for parents in Tokyo means bridging a huge cultural gulf.

Aya Yasukawa-Dudzinski's sandwich parenting stands astride tween daughters in the States and her parents in Japan. As it turns out, the physical distance is the far easier gulf to overcome.

Aya Yasukawa-Dudzinski is a “third culture kid,” a native Japanese who has spent almost all of her life in America. She has a full-time job and two tween daughters here, and her parents in Tokyo are adjusting to her dad’s newly diagnosed dementia. But that’s not the hard part.

Aya’s parents are proud and private people in a proud and private culture, and her mom, in particular, is having a difficult time releasing her iron grip on control over her dad’s care. Her strategy for now is to think proactively, like a chess master, and hope all her pieces are in the right place at the right time.

The good news is that the Japanese healthcare system is a lot less expensive and confusing than in America, and there are many support groups in Tokyo set up to help families cope with dementia. But Japan’s oldest citizens are still not generationally or culturally trained enough to make the most of them. The physical distance from her parents can be daunting at times, but Aya would likely face much of the same challenge if they lived next door.

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We also talk about the importance of cats in Japanese literature, watching Rocky Horror at a reasonable hour, and what audiobooks have in common with plastic coffee lids.

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When the Flames Go Up
When the Flames Go Up
After we divorced, we started a blog about co-parenting to learn how to work together until our kids were grown. And now that they are, and the world is so busy disrupting and disavowing what we thought we were working for, we're looking to our community to help us all keep up.